Sometimes

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Sometimes I wonder if this thing called ‘Life’ will ever be where it needs to be.

                Sometimes I wonder if I will ever look at the man in the mirror and be proud of my reflection.

                Sometimes I look at the sky and want the sun to be devoured by the clouds that swell and swirl overhead.

                Sometimes I want my heart to stop hurting, my mind to stop running and for my breath to slow for a moment long enough for me to catch it.

                Sometimes I think about what comes after this, and if there’s a short cut to find out.

                Sometimes I feel like I need to drink, to fight, to fuck, to feel something past the numbness that prevails my heart.

                But sometimes is okay.

                Because sometimes is only sometimes.

                We aren’t made to feel that the world is always happiness and rainbows.

                We aren’t designed to know every detail about everything we see, hear, touch and feel.

                We know that numbness can be deafening, and we try the loudest explosions possible to shake us out of it.

                But we know that we can’t run in the red all time.

                And we know that we can’t feel great all the time.

                Sometimes life is tough, and that’s what makes it so amazing. If it was easy all the time, it would be boring; we are survival experts.

                Sometimes it’s the mirror that is crooked, or your perception is. Sometimes its okay to feel a little down, a little hopeless about yourself. Because if we never saw something we didn’t want to change, then we would never improve ourself. Self-reflection is a gift we as humans are given, and through that we achieve so much in our short time on this planet.

                The sky is grey, blue, dark and bright, speckled with clouds and rainy as hell. It’s the infrequency of our surroundings that keeps them interesting. Beautiful; flowers die and birth again. It’s the nature of the worlds impermanence that makes it so stunning. The grey prevails to white. The dawn paints purples and reds. A canvas of every colour in every shade. The sky of life, and the sun will return, day after day.

                Hearts will break. Minds will run and your breath will fly from you faster than you can catch it. It shows you feel. It shows you’re human. It shows you are strong enough to feel the emotion, good or bad, and hold onto it, process it, and channel it to being better.

                A short cut is the candle in the storm. We are not impatient creatures, but we have been taught to binge a series in a night, or look up the ending to a movie before we watch it, or get the likes, the hype, the endorphin spikes, in one minute, an hour or a night. This life is a journey. You wouldn’t get to a new country and leave right away, given postcards of all the places you didn’t see? So why wish to cut the ride short, skip to the end, press fast forward. Life is there to be lived, to be felt, to be pained, to be struggled. Life isn’t meant to be easy; it’s meant to be tough. If it was easy, it would be boring, and we are animals. We are strong. We take the tough road to earn that struggle.

                To indulge in destructive behaviour means your body and soul wishes for something greater than what you are nourishing. If you feel unfulfilled, you will find quick things to fill that void: a drunken night, an orgasm, a fist fight with a stranger, sugar, sloth, and all the quick fixes. You will find it may help the pain for a short time, but the anger and emptiness will return with a vengeance fiercer than a bear’s arsehole that been feasting on chilli flakes all summer. Stay strong. Stay whole. Keep striving for more.

                And when you think that you aren’t getting where you want to be, look in the rear-view mirror and look how far you have come.

                Thank you for reading. Keep going, you’re an utter badass.

  • J

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Sometimes