Jay Darkmoore Jay Darkmoore

What is the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?

What is the narcissistic abuse cycle?

 What is the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?

 

You meet the love of your life, and within a few months, they’re living with you. Suddenly, they’re screaming at you for something you didn’t even know you had done, and then they disappear without a trace, leaving you broken and damaged, wondering what the hell just happened. Sound familiar? You may have just encountered someone who was not only unhealthy but possibly a narcissist.

Other sources on the internet will tell you that the narcissistic abuse cycle consists of Love Bombing, Devaluation, Discard, and Hoovering. However, this post will delve deeper into each step, exploring the tactics used and the reasons behind a narcissist's actions.

Love Bombing and Adulation

When you first meet…

When you first meet a narcissist, they will sweep you off your feet. You’ll wonder where this person has been all your life. They take you to all the nice places, treat you like they worship you, compliment you, and laugh at your jokes. And let’s not ignore the sex – it’s amazing. You feel like you’ve hit the jackpot, and this is exactly what the narcissist is counting on.

 

Read ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go,’ by Ramani Durvasula PhD

 

While you’re sharing your experiences, your past, and your troubles, they are taking notes. They’re creating a mental arsenal to use against you later. So, you keep pouring out your heart, keep seeing them, and they keep treating you better than anyone ever has. The sex is incredible. You feel sexy. You feel amazing. You are now firmly on the hook, and the narcissist has something new to play with. In return for all the adulation they give you, you reciprocate. You give them your compliments, your love, your money, your body. Every bit of you is poured into them. But as with all relationships, that passionate fire can’t stay raging permanently. As your flames die down to a steady ember, their fire needs feeding.

 

Devaluation and Control

Narcissists have a compulsion to control those around them. In social situations, a highly narcissistic person will always be the centre of attention. They want to peacock, seeking potential mates’ notice and competition’s fear or envy, regardless of whether they are already in a relationship.

 

In a relationship, a narcissist employs the Power and Control model to assert dominance over their victims. They are natural abusers. To fit the definition of a narcissist, one must be abusive, as part of the nine traits of narcissism includes exploitation. They are characterized in the DSM-5 as having an abusive personality type.

 
 

Power and Control

 
 

The Power and Control model is how narcissists create, elicit, and maintain control over their victims. This can be done through threats of violence to the victim, their family, children, and even to themselves. “If you leave me, I will kill myself,” is a common line used. If you hear this, you must get out of the relationship and seek professional help.

 

When the narcissist knows you have grown attached to them, they will slowly begin to withdraw the love and adulation. They will become passive-aggressive, making small comments about the relationship or you. They may threaten to harm themselves if the relationship ends and then deny they ever said anything, making you think you’re imagining it (this is called gaslighting). A narcissist will get angry, using fear and intimidation to maintain control. When they feel the victim is pulling away, they may do one of three things:

 

1 - Revert to adulation to keep the victim in the relationship.

2 - Become violent, threatening, or commit a false execution.

3 - If the victim leaves the relationship, revert to stalking.

 

The reason for this is that until the narcissist is done with the victim, they will not allow the relationship to end. Narcissists require adulation and ‘supply’ from others to maintain their sense of importance.

 

A Narcissist has many masks. One they wear for you, and the other they wear for the rest of the world.

 

In cases of domestic violence, a narcissist will not show their true colours or be outright verbally abusive unless they are certain they can convince the victim to stay. This usually happens within the first 90 days of a relationship.

Physical abuse often follows coercion. It is the next stage in the relationship, where violence and verbal abuse can become more frequent and escalate. The narcissist may apologise if they hit you and make every excuse for their behaviour. But know this: if the narcissist has been violent, they have been silently abusing you for a long time and think they can get away with it. If someone lays hands on you, leave the relationship because it will happen again. Even if it never does, the memory of it is enough to keep you in line.

 
 

Narcissism and the the new Mirror of Social Media

Ever noticed how narcissists are very active on social media, showing off their bodies, posting selfies, assets, or the great charity work and achievements? It’s all about the likes, comments, and admiration. The world has become the narcissist’s mirror, allowing them to project an altruistic, brilliant image and receive love and praise in return. Hence, if a narcissist breaks their phone, they may have a complete meltdown because they have lost their mirror.

 
 

Discarding

Discarding happens when the narcissist has had enough of their current supply and finds someone else who can give them what they want. To the narcissist, you are not a person with wants, wishes, and desires. They care no more about you than they do a new jacket they grow bored of. They see avatars of people in their world, not other human beings they share it with.

 

When a narcissist discards you, they leave you with whatever mental or physical scars they have inflicted and then move on as if you never existed. That is, unless they hoover you back into the relationship.

 

Hoovering

A narcissist will come back to the victim if they allow it. If the risk versus reward of continuing the relationship is enough for them, they may apologise for their behaviour, book a holiday, promise to change, or even ask you to marry them. Do not believe it. This is the start of the cycle again, and it will go around quicker and often more violently with each spin of the vitriolic wheel.

 

Can a Narcissist Change?

No. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a behavioural disorder. There is no medication, no surgery, no finding God. A narcissist cannot change who they are any more than a leopard can change its spots. The person they showed you at the start was a mask, an act to get you to fall in love with them.

 
 

Other Things to Look Out For

Smear Campaigns

When the relationship ends, the narcissist may conduct a smear campaign, contacting your friends, family, employer, and even posting on social media, painting you as the bad one and themselves as the victim.

 

Damage Control

Following an abusive episode, it is common for the abuser to not allow the victim to be on their own and insist on doing something nice together. This is so the narcissist can maintain control and smooth things over with the victim. They may call the victim after storming out in rage, showing up as the loving person they initially presented until the victim forgives them, and the cycle begins again.

 

Heat Seeking

This can happen when the narcissist blocks the victim on social media after the relationship ends. It is a way for the narcissist to check on the victim and see if they notice they have been unblocked. It is a way for the narcissist to:

 

1 - See what the victim is doing and see if they wish to make contact.

2 - Avoid a narcissistic injury if the victim never responds.

3 - Be vindicated and forgiven for their behaviour if the victim reaches out first.

 

Reverse Hoover

 

Sometimes, when the narcissist discards the victim, the victim may be so broken and hurt that they recontact the narcissist, willingly putting themselves back into the relationship, thus enabling the narcissist to continue their abuse.

 

But the narcissist doesn’t always accept that the relationship is over, which can lead to stalking.

 
 
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What Are the Three Types of Stalkers?

What do stalkers want from their victims? What are the three types of Stalkers?

 

What Are the Three Types of Stalkers?

 

Stalking is defined in UK law as ‘A person is guilty of Stalking if they pursue a course of conduct which amounts to Stalking.’

 

Sounds vague, doesn’t it? That is because it has to be.

 

In my background in crime and investigation, I have dealt with many stalking cases, ranging from the more benign – a work colleague sending someone he finds attractive anonymous messages on Facebook, to the more insidious – an ex-boyfriend driving over a hundred miles to assault and terrify his ex-girlfriend at work due to her finally blocking him.

The definition of Stalking must be kept loose, as stalking behaviour can encompass so many different things.

Below, are the three most common types of stalkers, along with their motivations. Aswell as one rarer, more insidious type at the end.

 

Types of Stalkers:

 

Stalkers can be classified into three main types based on their motivations and behaviour: simple obsessional, love obsessional, and erotomaniac stalkers.

 

Lorna - The Disturbing Psychological Thriller

 

Simple Obsessional (rejected) Stalker:

 

Simple obsessional stalkers are individuals who have a prior relationship with the victim, such as an ex-partner, former friend, coworker, or acquaintance. Their stalking behaviour typically arises after a significant rupture in the relationship, such as a breakup or rejection. The primary motivation behind simple obsessional stalking is often a desire to regain control or power over the victim, or to retaliate for perceived grievances. These stalkers may exhibit persistent and intrusive behaviour aimed at the victim, including following, monitoring, unwanted contact, and intimidation. Risk factors for escalation include a history of violence, access to weapons, and a lack of insight or remorse for their actions.

The tipping point for this type of stalker could be the victim blocking the stalker, or getting the police involved and getting a restraining order, however this is often the only way to make a stalker stop.  

Violence typically occurs in 50% of these cases and is the most likely to result in homicide.

 

 

Love Obsessional Stalker:

 

Love obsessional stalkers are characterised by an intense fixation or infatuation with the victim. They firmly believe that the victim reciprocates their feelings, even if there is no evidence to support this belief. Their behaviour is driven by a deep desire to establish a romantic relationship with the victim. Love obsessional stalkers may exhibit persistent pursuit, fantasising, delusional beliefs, lack of boundaries, and escalation if their advances are rebuffed. Psychologically, they often exhibit extreme attachment, low self-esteem, and a distorted perception of reality.

Stalkers in this category may have learning difficulties, or difficulties reading social queues.

 

 

Erotomaniac Stalker:

 

Erotomaniac stalkers are convinced that the victim is in love with them, often developing elaborate delusions about the nature of their relationship. They typically target individuals of higher social status or public figures, believing that their status validates the supposed romantic connection. Erotomaniac stalkers exhibit delusional beliefs, fantasy relationships, persistent pursuit, grandiosity, and a risk of violence if their delusions are threatened. Underlying mental health issues such as schizophrenia or delusional disorder may contribute to their fixation on the victim.

 

Sadistic / Predatory Stalking –

 

Thankfully, these are very rare. The motivation for this type of stalking is often to cause fear and distress to the victim for the pleasure of the stalker.

 

 

Why Do Victims of Stalking Reply to Their Stalkers Instead of Just Ignoring them?

 

This often frustrates me when I have dealt with stalking cases, in that professionals will blame the victim for replying or engaging with their stalker. The simple reason for this is that if the victim does not placate their stalker, their stalker’s behaviour may escalate. Often, if the victim just blocks their stalker, the stalker may they turn up to their house, their work, or begin harassing and threatening family members.

A victim of stalking placates the stalker to keep themselves safe, and to keep the wolf from their door.

 

Stalking is a serious offence and, in the UK, can carry a sentence of up to ten years in prison. Stalking can result in violence and even homicide, and all stalking should be taken seriously. Do not ignore a stalker, as they will not simply leave someone alone. Their behaviour often just escalates.

If you believe you or someone you know is being stalked, then you must contact the police for support, or contact the National Stalking Helpline.

 
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Why I Love Having Imposter Syndrome.

How Imposter Syndrome made me a best selling author

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Imposter syndrome is characterised by feeling inadequate like you are an imposter in the field you are working in. In layman’s terms, you fear that everyone around you will suddenly find out you don’t have a clue what you’re doing. Join the club.

I have had (and still do) Imposter Syndrome since I published my first novel, and every subsequent novel thereafter. I get it whenever I do an interview, get a great message from a fan, or tell someone what I do for a living. Whenever someone highlights an issue with a story, I hastily rush to fix it. If I get a bad review. If I get trolled. At any moment, I fear will be exposed as a charlatan, and be cast outside into the rain and mud.

And yet, I embrace it. Here’s why –

 
 

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Why do we have this feeling? Well, put simply, it comes down to two things –

1 – We care about what we’re doing.

One of the fundamental reasons that Imposter Syndrome can be so prevalent in our minds is that we are working on something we care about. We spend hours at the desk in solitude, crafting a world, characters, and storyline to share it with the world. It’s our passion that keeps us up late into the night, day after day, working away at our creation. If we didn’t give a shit, then we wouldn’t care if we succeeded or failed, and we would simply stop when it got hard.

2 – We lack confidence in our own abilities.

This is the biggie right here. We lack self-confidence in our abilities. We take every negative comment and every bad review to heart. It breaks the fragility of our confidence, and we find ourselves crying into our half-completed manuscript. But this is real life, guys. There are no safe spaces here. Suck it up and roll with it.

Image from Google

 
 

How do we overcome imposter syndrome? This is very simple. Are you ready?

You outwork your self-doubt. Read that again.

You must outwork that feeling of thinking that you aren’t good enough. You must identify the reason why you feel the way you do. Is it because you don’t feel like you know enough about the subject you are in? Well, then learn more. Read books on the subject. Research your industry. Speak to others in the world you have found yourself in. Try new things. New ways of doing what you’re doing. You can never know too much.

If it’s monetary or scalability on your business, then go back to basics. What makes your product unique? Who is your target market? Identify who these people are, and then build connections with them. Start from the bottom again, and work through the fundamentals. You can move up a rung on the ladder when you have a strong foundation.

 

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Don’t stop creating.

 Many writers have written tonnes of books that barely moved off the shelves, but they kept going at it. They kept working, building a fan base, and improving their craft.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy.

I love that saying, as cliché as it is, because it’s so true. If you compare yourself to JK Rowling or George R R Martin when you haven’t released your first book, then you will never write a single word. But here’s the secret – at one point, they were just like you - staring at a dog shit first draft and feeling sick at the sight of it. We only see people when they are successful. We don’t see the thousands of hours they invested into their craft with nothing happening.  

 

Image from Google

Use Your Current Successes as Evidence.

Remember when you got that awesome review? Released that new book? Got a message from someone you had never spoken to who told you that they loved your work? Those examples are all evidence that you are doing what you are meant to be doing, and that you are good at it. Use that knowledge, that back catalogue, as fuel to your fire when moving forward and upskilling. Acknowledge what you did in the past, identify any mistakes you have made, and then learn from them. Identify, refine, and replicate.

Imposter syndrome is the vulture on our shoulders. It’s that part of our brains that tells us that we aren’t cut out to be doing what we’re doing, regardless of all the evidence surrounding us that tells us the contrary. We can focus on the one thing that isn’t going right and lose sight of all the things around us that got us to our position in the first place. In other words, you can’t see the forest because you’re focusing on a single tree.

Imposter syndrome isn’t a bad thing. Welcome it into your life. Let that fear of failure, getting it wrong, and not being good enough propel you into work and learning. Only through hard work and dedication to what you’re doing, bit by bit, will you get where you need to be.

Stepping out of your comfort zone will always lead to self-doubt. You’re going against the curve, putting your head above the firing line. But if you work at it, maybe in a year, maybe ten, you will get where you want to be. The best time to plant a tree was yesterday. The second-best time is now.

Creating a business is like trying to paint a mountain one layer of paint at a time. It’s a huge task, but little by little, effort after effort, you will get there.

 

Jay Darkmoore

Jay Darkmoore is a UK best-selling author with a background in crime and investigation. He is a huge fan of all things dark - exploring the macabre, demonic and darker aspects of the human psyche.

 

Jay likes putting his characters in terrible situations and then turning out all the lights. To date, he has self-published novels of horror, crime and dark fantasy dystopia. His inspirations are Stephen King, Keith C Blackmore and Nick Cutter.

 

When not at his desk, Jay spends his free time making YouTube videos to help writers in their craft, promoting other books he has enjoyed, as well as hitting the gym and taking wild cold plunges with ducks. 

 

He is a single parent to his son Joe who is his biggest fan.

 

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10 Tips for New Authors

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When I first started publishing in 2019, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I had heard about things like ‘marketing,’ ‘newsletters,’ ‘book launches,’ and ‘pen names’ etc, but naively, I thought it would be as simple as writing a book, clicking publish, and posting on social media about it, then sit back and watch royalise roll in.

And they did! For about five minutes, and then my book was buried under the weight of the virtual amazon bookshelf.

 

So, four years on, I have done a lot of learning. My newsletter is well into triple figures, my books are selling regularly, and my following has grown immensely.

 

Below are a few things that I have learned the hard way, so that you can get to where you want to be quicker.

 

1 – Pick a genre, or at least, use a pen name.

Does Stephen King write romance? Does JK Rowling write splatterpunk? You know exactly what you’re getting when you hear these names, and you want your readers to know the same when they hear yours.

 

I write very dark fiction, from crime thrillers, horror and dark fantasy. My readers will cross over into the other genres, because they enjoy the style of my writing, and the themes correlate to each other. Now imagine if I threw in a romantic comedy in there, or a children’s colouring book. My readers would be very confused, and so would the Amazon algorithm.

 

You must stick to a genre, and if you wish to deviate from that genre, use a pen name. It prevents your readers from getting confused, and also the meta data and voodoo witchcraft of Amazon from getting confused too. It will encourage read through, and you will attract those kinds of readers that enjoy the work you put out. Amazon will also push your books in front of the eyes of potential readers who enjoy the genre you’re writing in.

Remember, if everyone is your target audience, then no one is.

Image from Google

2 – Consume the genre you write in.

If you write horror, crime or romance, you should read it or at least consume it through other mediums. It will give you an idea of chapter lengths, feel, tone and language used in these kinds of books. It will allow you to write and create something that is familiar to the readers of that market, and not accidently throw in a unicorn in the middle of a steampunk dystopia.

 

3 – Writer’s block doesn’t exist.

I have spoken about this in a few of my blogs and videos. You do not need inspiration to write. You do not need the muse to appear to you. If you write only when you’re inspired, you will fail. You must make writing a part of your day and treat it like a job. You must give yourself targets, word counts and deadlines. You must write when you don’t want to. That is how books get written.

Writer’s block doesn’t exist

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4 – Writing is a business.

If you want to make a living writing and telling stories, then you must adopt a business mindset. This is why writing in a genre is so important, and why writing to a schedule is so paramount.

No, I don’t mean sleezy sales tactics or underhanded techniques. Marketing is basically putting your book in front of people that will want to read it. It’s that simple.

Learn about marketing. Learn about calls to action, mailing lists and how to engage with your readers and build relationships with them. Don’t be one of these annoying writers who scream in a crowded room for someone to buy their book.

Find a target market. Find where those people hang out. Engage first, then promote. Offer something for free. Encourage sign ups to your mailing list. Offer content, and then promote your work.  

How to market as a writer

5 – Self-publishing is a viable option.

If you dream of being a traditionally published author, then that’s brilliant. All power to you, but don’t think that if you manage to land a publishing deal, you’re set for life. Far from it. I know plenty of writers that are still not making ends meet through trad publishing deals, and many independent self-published writers that are making bank each year through DIY publishing.

Decided what you want to do and focus on it. A proverb I love is ‘A man who chases two hares will catch neither,’ and you need to focus your energy on one path and get very good at it.

Focus is the key.

What it’s really like being self-published

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6 – You don’t have to be the best at everything.

You don’t have to be the best writer. The best marketer. The best at SEO, emails, social media etc. You just have to be good enough at a lot of it.

 

7 – Never stop learning.

The landscape of publishing and writing is always changing. Don’t think you will know everything. You will fall down rabbit holes and implement information, and then you will discover something new to try.

 

8 – You will need to write books. And then more books. And then more.

You will not get successful from one book wonder. Lightning strikes do happen (E.L James – 50 Shades of Grey), but do not build your career on the hope of a one book wonder success. If you’re in this for the long term, then you better be ready to write millions of words and keep publishing.

 

9 – People will laugh at you for being a writer.

Fuck them.

 

10 – You will get discouraged.

Everyone does. We all have slow days. We all hit mental blocks. We all have self-doubt. Be consistent, and outwork your self-doubt by writing good stories, and putting them in front of people that want to read them.

Jay Darkmoore is a writer and writing coach from the UK and author of over ten titles and counting.

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Writer’s Block Isn’t Real

Writer’s block isn’t real. Here’s why, and here’s why.

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Writer’s Block isn’t real. Now that is a BOLD statement. How many times have you sat staring at either a blank page or have gotten halfway through a scene only to find that the well of creativity has run dry with no sign of rain in the sky?

I have been there. Many times. As a writer of several novels, novellas and short stories ranging from crime, dark fantasy and horror, plus tonnes of social media posts and blog posts and articles, I have at least some authority to comment on this topic.

But we have to escape the notion that ‘Writer’s Block’ is actually a real thing. It isn’t. It’s something that we tell ourselves. It’s a lie. A ruse. A collective scapegoat that writers use to make their current predicament feel better. We attach some kind of romantic, creative notion to it that if only we could overcome this block in our brains, we could create our masterpiece.

Luckily for you, I have a toolkit which will not only break you out of your current bout of imagined writer’s block but also make sure you are never crippled with it again.

 

Step Number One – You’re the problem here.

The story isn’t the problem. Nor is the keyboard, the mouse, the screen or the word processor you’re using. It’s you. Sorry, not sorry. The problem is you have given the fabulistic idea of writer’s block its power. You need to take that back.

You need to understand that writer’s block isn’t real. It doesn’t exist. It’s something we tell ourselves is real to allow ourselves to not have to do the work that is required. It’s resistance, procrastination, or stress. But it isn’t an abstract idea as a brick wall being put around your brain and your creative ideas are being held ransom and you have to hit the siege at the right moment to free them.

Stop thinking that immediately. Your mindset is the problem. Rid it of its power by acknowledging that writer’s block is nothing but a creation of your own mind.

 

Step Two – This Isn’t the Finished Product.

You’re likely stuck on the first draft of a project. This is because you have this idea in your head that you must write perfectly the first time and that the delete and backspace buttons don’t exist. It’s called a draft for a reason. You can make mistakes. Write utter shit. Write storylines that can be omitted later and remove scenes and dialogue that don’t work. This is why we edit.

 

Step Three – The Pressure Cooker

 

Remember when you had that exam that you hadn’t been studying for for the six months you had leading up to it, and then you hit the books the night before? That’s because the proverbial axe was looming over your head on the chopping block. It’s time to apply this same mindset to writing in the pressure cooker.

Don’t give yourself all the time in the world to write a scene. Give yourself just fifteen minutes.

You will be amazed at what just fifteen minutes of concentrated effort can create. By using this method, I have crammed out thousands of words in a day consistently.

Set a timer for fifteen minutes and write anything and everything that comes out of your brain. Even if the words are quite literally, ‘I can’t think of anything to write.’ This will get the engine in your mind running again and will allow you to put words onto paper.

 

Step Four – Stop, Drop and Roll.

 

When the fifteen minutes are finished, stop what you’re doing, drop the project immediately and roll away from the desk. Create distance. Leave the room. Go outside if you have to, but step away from the project even if that’s mid-scene or sentence, and do whatever you like for five minutes.

This will give you both a breather and will create the connections in your brain that when you are sitting at the desk, it’s work time. Not phone and social media time. Not relaxation time, but purely and utterly time to get to work. That way when you sit down at the desk or the laptop or hell, at your work pad, your brain will switch into creative mode and not ‘sitting here staring at the computer mode.’

 

Step Five – Repeat.

 

Do the process again as many times as you need to. Keep track of your word count amounts. Make a game of it. Try to beat the record of the last sprint.

 

For more writing tips and a free story, sign up for my newsletter. Follow me on social media and let me know how you have found this post. I wish you the best with it.

P.S – I wrote this blog in fifteen minutes using this method!

Enjoy this post? Check out What t’s Really Like to be an Independent Author

 

-          Jay Darkmoore

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What it’s really like being an independently published author

What it’s really like being an Indie Author

You have been lied to.

Forget the ‘Make $1000 a day’ or ‘How to get RICH quick with KDP’ videos on YouTube. I am telling you now. They are complete bullshit.


                Think about it; why would anybody do anything other than sell books on KDP if it was that easy to make money? And not only that, if you discovered a secret money pile, would you really tell everyone about it? It’s clickbait. And I feel that you, like me, have been on that hook many times.

I have been selling books independently using Amazon KDP for around two years now. Let me save you a lot of pain in the long run and allow me to break your heart quickly.

                It is not easy. It is not a get-rich-quick scheme. I have been a delivery driver, a carer for disabled children, and even a police officer. And running a business as an independent author is by far the hardest job I have ever had to do.

And yet, I and thousands of others still do it. Not because I want to get rich quickly (even though I wouldn’t mind having a few more zeros in my bank account generated from book sales), but because I must write stories. I must get them out of my head. I must see what the characters get up to and I am their guide, as they too guide me through the narrative.

                So that said, is KDP a fool’s game? Far from it. Is it possible to make a living, even a great living from selling books online? Absolutely. But is it easy? Not a cat in hell’s chance.

The Three Questions


Firstly, if you want to sell books on KDP, you have to ask yourself are you prepared to invest money into book covers and editors.

                Are you willing to spend money on adverts, keywords and marketing?

                Are you willing to spend hours and hours not only writing a book, but editing it, sending it out to beta readers, Advanced Copy Readers, build a network of other writers and readers in the hope that with enough time, effort and tears you will eventually be able to make a living out of doing this?

If you answered No to a single one of those questions, then give up now and don’t bother. But if you answered Yes to all of them, then you are about to embark on an amazing journey.

                Like the heroes in the stories we write, being an independent author is filled with a roller coaster of emotions. I remember the first time I was able to buy a meal with the royalties I got from my debut novel The Space Between Heaven and Hell. I remember my first bad review on The Everlife Chronicles. I remember the amazing interviews I have had with writers on my Instagram, and the first YouTube video I uploaded that got comments.

                Self-publishing is an incredible thing to make a living from if you have a realistic mindset about it all. It won’t be overnight, and if you can’t defer gratification then this is not the career for you.

                When I first started self-publishing, I devoured everything I could about the subject. Some things stuck, and others didn’t. I made mistakes. I wasted money. I bought courses that promised a quick fix. I bought budget book covers that still give me nightmares. I skipped out on the editing. I overpaid for ads. All to chase the dream.

But there is something that comes from fucking up. You get experience. You lick your wounds, and you get back up and get back in front of the keyboard and you crunch away. You will always make mistakes. You will always have more to learn, and you will pick yourself up more times than you can count and get back to it.

                So for the budding author reading this. I thank you. Not only for reading my blog, but for chasing your dream in the pursuit of writing stories.

                If you are looking to embark on this journey, then I implore you to read on to my next blog, ‘How to Market as an Indie Author.’

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