Baby Reindeer – A Deep Dive into the Stalking Psychology and Behaviour of Martha.
Baby Reindeer as seen on Netflix
Baby Reindeer, the Netflix international breakthrough hit of struggling comedian Richard Gadd (played by himself) who befriends the lonely woman who he meets in a bar named ‘Martha,’ (played by Jessica Gunning) who then proceeds to relentlessly stalk him for over twelve months.
The show not only was a breakthrough due to the brilliant storytelling, the realness and utter unbelievability of what audiences were watching, but it also highlights something that isn’t often spoken about -
Women also stalk men.
Netflix has seen several hit TV shows where the male is the stalker, namely ‘YOU,’ but this show hits home on another terrifying level. There are some crazy, obsessed people out there, and some of them can appear sweet and innocent, just like Martha did.
Who is the real ‘Martha,’ in Baby Reindeer?
The Scottish national Fiona Harvey states that she is the real ‘Martha,’ however she denies the allegations that she has stalked Gadd as laid out in the Netflix series. Harvey appeared on Piers Morgan Uncensored to tell her side of the story, which is available on YouTube.
What mental illness does Martha have in Baby Reindeer?
It is likely that ‘Martha’ also had Borderline Personality Disorder, which is highlighted when Gadd tries to implement boundaries, pull away, or ‘Martha’ finds him with someone else. Although they were never in a relationship, ‘Martha’ perceived it at so. We see during the series that ‘Martha’ becomes increasingly obsessed with Gadd, and that the more he pulls away, the more outraged she becomes.
There is a strong link between stalking (particularly in females), and Borderline Personality Disorder. This is twofold –
1 - Women are more likely to be diagnosed with BPD.
2 - This is a logical link, as sufferers with BPD have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which means that they can latch onto those around them in unhealthy ways, forming very fast bonds that are very intense very quickly. We see this in abusive relationships where women are the perpetrators. The woman becomes hyper-fixated on their partner, and when the partner tries to draw a boundary or the person with BPD perceives that their partner is pulling away, they can become hostile either to their partner or even to themselves. This is what we see frequently with ‘Martha’ in Baby Reindeer. She wants Gadd to herself and is willing to use violence and intimidation to stop her from being alone. We see that ‘Martha’s’ behaviour is in fact more about her own abandonment not being triggered, rather than her feelings for Gadd. To her, Gadd is the symbol of safety in her childhood, her ‘Baby Reindeer,’ a stuffed toy that she would cuddle when frightened as a child. He is a beacon of safety to her and something she doesn’t want to lose. To ‘Martha,’ losing Gadd is like becoming a terrified child again.
Stalking Behaviour
One of the reasons I believe Martha’s story is based on real events is the stalking behaviour that is exhibited.
Unlike the exaggerated portrayals often seen in Hollywood, 'Baby Reindeer' presents a chillingly realistic depiction of stalking behavior. This authenticity, far from being a deterrent, actually heightens the sense of terror, making the narrative all the more compelling.
We see that ‘Martha’ loiters around Gadd’s home. We see that she attends his place of work frequently. She makes excuses to see him, be in the area, and even checks his social media to find out information about him, such as past relationships. We see that ‘Martha’ calls Gadd hundreds of times, leaving hours and hours of voice messages. She attends where he is holding a gig. She uses pet names for him. Thousands of emails and social media messages. The list goes on. The more Gadd pulls away, the more intense these interactions become.
What kind of stalker is Martha?
‘Martha’ would be classed as the ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker. A lot of people may think that Martha is a rejected stalker (ex-partner), but I don’t believe this to be the case. The two have never been in an intimate relationship or ever formally been in a relationship that was more than platonic. Therefore, they haven’t met the definition of being in a relationship, so the rejected stalker definition wouldn’t apply.
Instead, we see that ‘Martha’ appears to be lower than Gadd on the socio-economic scale, and she doesn’t appear to be able to understand the signals and social cues that Gadd is giving off. For that reason, I believe ‘Martha’ to be portrayed as the ‘incompetent suitor’ type of stalker, of which we see with those that are stalking celebrities, wishing to be close to them and befriend them.
Does Martha know that she is A Stalker?
Unfortunately, stalkers are very good at rationalising their behaviour. If they knew what they were doing was wrong, then they wouldn’t do it. Interviewing a stalker and trying to get them to admit to what they have done, that they have exhibited signs of fixation, Obsessive, Unwanted contact and have done so repeatedly (FOUR), is very difficult.
Stalkers are often highly delusional in that they will still state that they are not a stalker, but they just ‘want to talk,’ or they ‘love them and want to get back with them.’ A stalker will rationalise their behaviour even in the face of compelling evidence. Often, with a rejected stalker, it is more about how the stalker feels than how the victim feels. This, again, means they are less likely to reflect on the harm they are causing to the victim because of their behaviour.
With ‘Martha,’ (as highlighted on the Piers Morgan Uncensored show), Harvey denies the allegations put forward to her and she states that she is the victim and Gadd is the abuser. Who is telling the truth? Only the two of them really know.
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AN EXPERT LOOK - WHAT DO STALKERS WANT FROM THEIR VICTIMS?
What Are the Three Types of Stalkers?
What do stalkers want from their victims? What are the three types of Stalkers?
What Are the Three Types of Stalkers?
Stalking is defined in UK law as ‘A person is guilty of Stalking if they pursue a course of conduct which amounts to Stalking.’
Sounds vague, doesn’t it? That is because it has to be.
In my background in crime and investigation, I have dealt with many stalking cases, ranging from the more benign – a work colleague sending someone he finds attractive anonymous messages on Facebook, to the more insidious – an ex-boyfriend driving over a hundred miles to assault and terrify his ex-girlfriend at work due to her finally blocking him.
The definition of Stalking must be kept loose, as stalking behaviour can encompass so many different things.
Below, are the three most common types of stalkers, along with their motivations. Aswell as one rarer, more insidious type at the end.
Types of Stalkers:
Stalkers can be classified into three main types based on their motivations and behaviour: simple obsessional, love obsessional, and erotomaniac stalkers.
Simple Obsessional (rejected) Stalker:
Simple obsessional stalkers are individuals who have a prior relationship with the victim, such as an ex-partner, former friend, coworker, or acquaintance. Their stalking behaviour typically arises after a significant rupture in the relationship, such as a breakup or rejection. The primary motivation behind simple obsessional stalking is often a desire to regain control or power over the victim, or to retaliate for perceived grievances. These stalkers may exhibit persistent and intrusive behaviour aimed at the victim, including following, monitoring, unwanted contact, and intimidation. Risk factors for escalation include a history of violence, access to weapons, and a lack of insight or remorse for their actions.
The tipping point for this type of stalker could be the victim blocking the stalker, or getting the police involved and getting a restraining order, however this is often the only way to make a stalker stop.
Violence typically occurs in 50% of these cases and is the most likely to result in homicide.
Love Obsessional Stalker:
Love obsessional stalkers are characterised by an intense fixation or infatuation with the victim. They firmly believe that the victim reciprocates their feelings, even if there is no evidence to support this belief. Their behaviour is driven by a deep desire to establish a romantic relationship with the victim. Love obsessional stalkers may exhibit persistent pursuit, fantasising, delusional beliefs, lack of boundaries, and escalation if their advances are rebuffed. Psychologically, they often exhibit extreme attachment, low self-esteem, and a distorted perception of reality.
Stalkers in this category may have learning difficulties, or difficulties reading social queues.
Erotomaniac Stalker:
Erotomaniac stalkers are convinced that the victim is in love with them, often developing elaborate delusions about the nature of their relationship. They typically target individuals of higher social status or public figures, believing that their status validates the supposed romantic connection. Erotomaniac stalkers exhibit delusional beliefs, fantasy relationships, persistent pursuit, grandiosity, and a risk of violence if their delusions are threatened. Underlying mental health issues such as schizophrenia or delusional disorder may contribute to their fixation on the victim.
Sadistic / Predatory Stalking –
Thankfully, these are very rare. The motivation for this type of stalking is often to cause fear and distress to the victim for the pleasure of the stalker.
Why Do Victims of Stalking Reply to Their Stalkers Instead of Just Ignoring them?
This often frustrates me when I have dealt with stalking cases, in that professionals will blame the victim for replying or engaging with their stalker. The simple reason for this is that if the victim does not placate their stalker, their stalker’s behaviour may escalate. Often, if the victim just blocks their stalker, the stalker may they turn up to their house, their work, or begin harassing and threatening family members.
A victim of stalking placates the stalker to keep themselves safe, and to keep the wolf from their door.
Stalking is a serious offence and, in the UK, can carry a sentence of up to ten years in prison. Stalking can result in violence and even homicide, and all stalking should be taken seriously. Do not ignore a stalker, as they will not simply leave someone alone. Their behaviour often just escalates.
If you believe you or someone you know is being stalked, then you must contact the police for support, or contact the National Stalking Helpline.